genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
