turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
