ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
