Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
