I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Randomize
