Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
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