Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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