Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
True strength comes from lack of pants
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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