i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
