peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
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