There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
