I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize