Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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