Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I pour the whiskey from now on
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
