I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
