i jhust puked up my retainher.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
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