I'm gonna have a badass scar
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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