Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Never underestimate the power of titties
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
