I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
