bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
