I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
