Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
