it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
