I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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