My brain says no but my pants say off.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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