i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
