I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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