I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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