I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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