I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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