so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
