Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
