I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
