..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
