he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Randomize
