well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Sext me about skeletons
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
