my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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