He disabled his match.com account in front of me
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
