If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Randomize
