I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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