Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
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