I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
