would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
