I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize