guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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