ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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