Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
