Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Everything about him screamed your future.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
what is it with giant penises always finding me
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Dicks are not precious.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
