dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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