I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Randomize
