There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
whose parrot is this?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
where are my eyebrows?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
