dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
My pussy is not your playground.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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