You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
