dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
