Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
