Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
