Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
She's the barista slut.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
