i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize