At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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