I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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