i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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