I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
