It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
