She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
