Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
