I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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