Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
