my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
