Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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