Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
