I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
