just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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