All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
