I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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