Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Holy shit dude........stairs
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