There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
