you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
