I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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