so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
