I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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