It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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