the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
