As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
