all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
