I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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