So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Randomize
