I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
