Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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