Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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