Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
