Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
