You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
